As I Am

 As I Am  

I am alone, not a slave to your beliefs,
I am immune, I am free,
I am who I want to be.
Can you take for who I am,
judgment be damned,
can you take me just as I am? 





~ My random reflections on this poem ~
2 songs by the Exies inspired my poem a few years ago. I embedded the videos that show the lyrics b/c it gives a little context to the poem and now I just find both songs inspiring. I listened to the 3rd one back then but it'd just make me sad, but now it gets me all fired up & ready to share my opinions ( pun entirely intended ). It's an interesting twist of the feelings but sometimes it's good to remember just how far I've come back into the world.

Back in 2004 I stopped caring about everything and just didn't bother with opinions at all. By the time I wrote this poem I cared enough to  start forming opinions about me and trying to convey them. Most importantly I finally cared enough to feel hurt but not enough to hold onto the anger in the song "My Opinion" & use it for the motivation I needed to try things out. It was a particularly harsh song for me to listen to back then b/c it would get me mad, am determined to prove something to somebody or at least myself. But I couldn't, and so went the cycle of anger and sadness - dejected is actually a better word for how I was feeling then. Now, I trying every day & that song gets me going with the anger.

Full Disclosure:
I also included a link that takes you directly to the Amazon.com MP3 store where it's just 0.99$ to download any of the songs that you like as well. That link is b/c I needed every pitiful % of the penny that I'd get if you click on it & buy the song from Amazon.

~ The 3 Songs by The Exies ~ The Exies MySpace Page in case you want more of them after hearing "Normal", "Ugly", and "My Opinion" here. The lyrics are shown for Normal & Ugly which is new to me so it was kinda cool to watch and convenient if you have keep the noise down. Anyway, thanks for reading all this, I'll be quiet now. Enjoy! :)

~ ~ ~  Normal  ~ ~ ~
 



~ ~ ~  Ugly  ~ ~ ~



 ~ ~ ~  My Opinion  ~ ~ ~

Have a wonder filled life!

My Own Damn Boat

Strange how losing my mind ended up saving my life. 
Now that I'm done licking my wounds, I am ready to re-enter the strife,
because I'm stronger & I know just a little bit more,



then then I ever did before.
This time, I know that no matter how rocky it gets, I'll always stay afloat.
Because now I know that it has always been, & always will be, my own damn boat.That's right, my boat, to pilot to wherever I will.
The only danger now is that of standing still.

Topping It Off

I’m not cynical, just detachedly clinical.

Tell me, how do you feel now that you’'ve reached the pinnacle?

Are you happy yet ? Can you touch the sky?

Now that you have it all, do you want to die?

Or live it up and risk the fall?

Are you straddling or standing tall?

Still trying to balance and hold onto it all?

The choice is there — it’s time to raise or call.

Displaced Duality

Emotions displaced,

not ready to be faced.

Mixed thoroughly, carefully dissolved,

wrapped up, put away — problem never solved.

Contained for the moment —

evolving and ready to foment.

Growing hotter, the container begins to smolder.

Duality engulfed by chaos, it is concurrently colder.

When duality is defeated

reality is conceded.

Nothing is left to be concerned.

All that was died when truth was burned.

Evolving Solution

When life was just a game, I loved to play.

But suddenly it’s real — ultimately surreal.

And the stakes are higher than I ever thought they’d be.

There’s no endgame, but still a need for strategy.

They may patronize, but still I strategize for a goal I’ve yet to realize.

The pieces fit, I know this, I watched as they fell apart.

Never quite picked them up but I came alive —

Tabula Rasa, slightly faded and just a little jaded.

Started anew but now thinking I should go back.

Pick up those pieces and puzzle it out because

as I’ve been reflecting on the evidence I’ve been collecting,

I have seen so many memories I’ve been neglecting.

I knew so much more than I ever gave myself credit for.

I had the certainty that comes with clarity.

I simply lacked the confidence to bring it into reality.

So afraid of being mistaken that my whole world collapsed when it was suddenly shaken.

I chose to build a house of cards and for a long while it held high,

but it was never strong and I wasn’t meant to fly.

A puzzle, put together rationally, held together by confidence and unshakable belief

will withstand, because I finally understand.

I was never the problem, I am the solution.

And I have the will, the way and, the resolution.

I don’t need a revolution, this is simply evolution.

I Do....

Confusion of delusion, ultimately an elusive illusion.
Never clear enough to see through, never close enough to dispel or perhaps too close causing the unwell swell.
But rip it away, stripped bare, naked — —vulnerable and scared.
Suddenly aware there were never separate versions, simply illusory dispersions and desperate aversions.
Tired of hiding, standing up tall, let them look, I will not fall.
Finding comfort in just my own skin, knowing there's nothing to win, only so very much to lose.
It is my reality, maybe it's yours too —— only the solution matters and it is self evident.

I simply have to choose.
To be. Don't try. Just live.
Nothing to prove.
A simple choice in essence.
I Do.

Word Mesh Flow

Who Are You?

What are your beliefs?

What are your ideals?

You tell me that you love me,

but I have to know its real.

I'm not saying that I won't love you,

but you have to understand,

I have to know you as a person,

before I can love you as a man.

Tell me your values,

I'm sorry if you can't,

blind love just isn't good enough.

I hope that you understand.

Reset Forget

Forgive,

Forget,

Nothing yet.

Remember to forget.

No, nothing yet.


Forget

To Remember,

No, still nothing yet.

Never forget,

Never forgive,

Just let go, let the balance reset.

Ended Unattended

Hopes and wishes tendered,

Dreams were rendered,

Words surrendered,

Unattended.

Bright lines,
Whose rules?
White lines,
No clues.
Bright lights,
Silent flashes,

White lights,
Chalk to ashes.

The Wall Will Fall Eventually

My philosophy is that things are just as bad as they seem.

If my life were gymnastics I'd be straddling the balance beam.
If my life were a sport, I'd still be in the locker room.
And if I were a frightful witch,
I'd still be looking for my broom.
I am sitting on wall and feeling like Humpty-Dumpty -