Unsaid

Do not look at me with pity,
It's almost more than I can stand.
Do not pretend to empathize with me,
I am something that only an unlucky few can understand.
Sometimes I am nothing, sometimes I am everything,
and I have no idea if I will ever amount to anything.
Do I have the power to change, will I be just another life wasted?
Please express yourself because it hurts that so much is left unsaid,
I may be all fucked up and lost in confusion,
but you should not confuse that with delusion.
I can clearly see the mess that my life has become.
You can't save me so don't try, I am not even sure the battle can be won,
but I do know that I am the one with the power to try,

Looking For A Dream

Hello, out there, I am looking for dream. Is there anyone out there who knows what I mean?
Can I explain it, lay it on the line?
I am looking for a vision to occupy my time,
something to look forward to, something to long for,
some kind of aim, a direction, but really something more.
I need to finalize my plans, I need a dream,
these aimless wandering have me at the point where I need to scream.
He had a dream, how did he find it?
Show me a fire that hasn't already been lit,
or show me a firelight that I want to follow.
I am hungry, give me any dream to swallow,
without a dream I am alone and hollow.
Please help me, help me find a dream to follow.

Getting What I Deserve

They say that you get what you deserve,
and that's what really hurts.
I am to blame, me & only me,
I am trapped within myself & can't break free.
I am cynical, silent, & jaded,
broken, alone, & faded,
lost in a nightmare that I've created.
Chased and torn asunder by the fears that I've fed.
I started first, but finished last.
They say my future is in my past,

Help Me Believe

I can't control myself, help me believe,
I can't escape myself, help me break free.
Somebody help me through this nightmare.
I'll let you in, lay myself bare,
if you'll just help me believe,

Save Yourself

Wake up, no one is waiting to save you.
Face it, nobody is there to save you.
Find, or make, a method to your madness.
Create an outlet for you sadness -
let it all out for the world to see.
Do not hide within or you'll never be free.
Get up, move, go out and do something - anything.
Once you've found a path, you can begin to mend.

Bye-Bye Misery

If misery loves company,
she'll soon be very lonely.
Because I'd rather risk it all and be alone
then spend one more moment bowing at her throne.
Every moment wasted, is an opportunity lost:
Thus any risk taken is worth the cost.

My Moody Music Picks atm & a Rant on the Failed Relationship that Inspired this Playlist

These are things I'd love to say to say to a certain somebody that obnoxiously persists in writing at me despite that the the romantic relationship completely and utterly failed in a way that makes any friendship impossible for me to even contemplate at the moment. Certainly the contact analyzing me & issuing fact-deprived judgments (declaratory sentences at the best of times) hasn't helped.

The songs aren't nice but a hell of lot nicer than any blog I'd write about it, lucky for that person I will not waste anymore of time on this. The lyrics from these clips are damn near perfect in expressing my feelings. & They are also really good songs I've already listened to many times in the past few years. I thought way too many songs off the top of my head. So it didn't take long to find ones that had the right lyrics in the clips. There's only 6 songs & I stopped there b/c I could put those  in an order that plays like a poem. Probably better than any poem I'd write right now.

That tangent aside, it's back to bitching picking up where I left off. No, I don't give a shit that about the nice emails b/c they mitigate nothing. I do give a shit about my cell-phone text inbox being so overflowed it's going to take over an hour just to sort through & delete. If I were to actually read them, it'd take all damn day.

Here's a tip for everybody who text that ought to be clear from common sense but apparently it's not. If someone's texts bounce back to you b/c they're inbox is full, it is NOT OK to keep texting b/c it'll be stored 'til they check. Have some decency - the person either does not want to read your crap or is overwhelmed and simply can't. Either way it's rude and annoying.

OK, so finally here's the musical poem of sorts. The clips are about 30 seconds. Click the barely visible arrow in the middle to play them. If you like what you hear & want to download MP3 just click on it. Costs .99 cents per song and they are DRM free so you can play it on any device & do whatever else you want to it b/c Amazon.com is good like that (hint hint Real Player). Full Disclosure: if you do click and buy from here I get a few pennies from Amazon.com which I'd appreciate a lot by the way :) Enjoy!

Never Not Knotted

Now or Never - Undecided

Now or Never

How will I laugh tomorrow when I can't even smile today?

Why should communicate when I have nothing to say?

I've spoken out before & learned that nobody hears.

Being intimate and being alone are my deepest fears,

a rock and a hard place, not where I want to be.

Choices must be made, but extremes are the only thing that I see.

All the options have been laid out, and all the variables defined,

no more excuses, but still I feel confined,

a prisoner of my doubts and insecurity,

unsure of the wisdom that begs to set me free.

I have come to the point of now or never,

but it seems that my indecision can, and will, last forever.

Train Tracks Home

Right train, wrong track,

Derailed, caused a lot of pain,

Band-Aids were not enough, sought protection in apathy,

Did not climb when I hit rock bottom, had to face reality,

Did not reach out, withdrew further within,

Took stupid risks, letting the universe decide if I lose or win,

Family scooped me up, brought me back into the fold,

Got me through the darkness, manic panic withhold,

Could not be more grateful, because I could not have done it on my own,

Happier now, now that I have finally found my home.

Wide Asleep

As I am wide asleep,
looking for a soul to keep,
if I should live before I wake,
I pray that consciousness will take.

My Stranger Within

Do I look blind?
Rest assured, I see the signs.
I've watched my life go straight to hell,
and I am fully aware that I am still not well.

And like you I wonder if I ever will be.
Lucky for you, you cannot understand the hell it is just being me.
Often I feel like I am stranger on the inside
because there was a time that I was strong and had pride.
Now all I have is weaknesses, doubt, fear, and shame.
I feel like I am lost in maze, stuck in a game,.
Call it life but I still wonder if it possible for me to win.
Or if I will always be a prisoner to the stranger within.

Touching Word Play

What is Love?

Love is everything and it is nothing.
It is always there even when it does not exist.
Is love
a truth,
a lie,
a wish,
or a reality?
It is simply complex.
Love is confusing.

Who is Questioning?

Why can't I love,
why can't I trust?
I want to,
I do, but I cannot.
What scars do I have,
What pain has made me numb?
I wish I could tell,
I do, but I cannot.
Why do I try,

An Unquiet Warning

It is so silent but so unquiet,
not quite the fucking riot,
that I was hoping for.
I am moody, I am brooding, and I don't want to think anymore.
I want to get angry, I want to get mad,
I want to throw the biggest temper tantrum that I've ever had.
It is all bottled up, ready to ignite,

Tried It Your Way . . . What a Dumb Way

Hey, hey I tried it your way,
going slow, taking it day by day,
gave my love freely,
and waited for it to come back to me,
I didn't hold back, I spoke straight from the heart,
yeah, I tried it your way and it tore me apart.