The Wonderful World I Knew

Love is a lie, life is a game,
nothing matters but fortune and fame,
innocence is not a defense,
Now, its almost a capital offense.
The world is full of self-righteous fools,
overcrowded jails, hospitals and schools,
there's hookers, dealers and users,
cheaters, thieves, abusers,
there is blue collar and white collar,
dont matter, they are all out for the dollar.
Crime is high, congress corrupt,
wars and violence continuously erupt,
the world is dark, the future is bleak,
the world sure as hell doesn't belong to the meek,
its run by power and power is money,there's a price on everything, even freedom isn't free.
The truth is impossible to find,
in a world like this, to be innocent, is to be blind.

Originally Written Circa 1995

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a Burden to Be

a Burden to Be

You really do not have to worry about enabling me.

dependent & pathetic is not how I want to be,

you think that I should be grateful to be alive,

but that thought is alien to me.

I struggle just to survive

another day of meaningless ponderings,

searching for truth through endless wonderings,

getting nowhere really fast,

knowing that this just cannot last.

I live for you, you are why I cry,

its my love for you that forces me to try,

you need me to be, so I persist,

but its not enough just to exist.

Please make me feel like a burden, a liability,

then I wont be a prisoner of your needs, Ill be free,

take back your support, take it all away,

then I wont feel obligated to face another day.

I cannot even talk to you, youll view it as a threat,

you are not able to see the truth that is in my regret,

youll feel a guilt-trip & perceive it as deathly unfair,

but you will never understand the depths of my despair.

And, maybe your are in the right, maybe I am guilty,

perhaps, I am the one who refuses to see.

It doesnt much matter, either way,

you'll always spend your money, & I'll always have to pay,

someday, the pain will transcend, & Ill consider the debt paid,

and then I will move on alone, but unafraid.

Originally posted on Myspace July 18, 2006

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Security Attacked

A false sense of security is giving me a very real sense of insecurity,

feeling so far from real, so very useless and so very ugly.

Wondering why it is that I always try,

and how much longer that I can deny,

the sickness that is within me, as it eats away my soul,

rendering me apart until I can no longer imagine the whole,

teasing me with rationality and lucidity,

only to prevent me from ever reaching normality.

Tell me how do I defend against such an attack?

Please, someone teach me how to bite it back.


Inspired by song "False Sense of Security" aka F.S.O.S. by The Exies.

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the Mountain in My Way

Seems the more I try to change, the more I stay the same,

struggling just to survive, not worried about fortune nor fame.

Looking for a reason to muddle through another day.

I was so close to the starting line, but a mountain was in my way.

Tried to burrow through, and couldn't find my way around.

Long before I began the climb, I found the way down.

Once again I stand before it, angry and confused,

my confidence is gone, my self-esteem abused.

Lost in an apathetic despair that is almost sublime,

now I am just trying to find the strength of will to began the climb.

Originally posted on MySpace May 29, 2006 

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