Take back the halo, I never asked for it.
Don't need it, don't want it. It does not fit.
And I would not lie to keep control I know the halo you hold is a Slipknot for my soul.
Somewhere inside you must know that too.
Even if sublimated - the desire is dominating and it is dark.
You've tried every way to keep me tethered.
Should never have become necessary, you could have just let me love you.
You could have loved me for all that I am and all that I am not - not despite of.
Such contempt. So cold, so stark.
So vulnerable and desperate to believe in our love,
I crawled into your bed but when I was finally able to wake all hopes were already shattered.
Nothing at all still mattered. The leash snapped and trust was severed.
I am not your angel anymore. I am alone and I am free.
You're not my demon, you never were. You're not evil but you are toxic to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wanted to give credit where credit is due even though I've got no clue what they mean by 'Angels lie to keep control". I've listened to the song a dozen times and could sing all the lyrics along with it but I'd never truly heard that line before. It was synchronicity in action - the video came on as I writing the poem and that line reasonated with me but in reverse.
I was already on the Angel theme because the ex-boyfriend this poem would say I was like an Angel for him (not as often as I was a selfish bitch or worse but enough). Even wrote a poem to that effect except it then stripped away the halo and denounced me as a liar. You can see why the line got my attention.
I had started with the Angel theme b/c the ex kept bestowing and snatching the imaginary halo usually based on equally imaginary slights but somtimes deservededly - as if I'd claimed to some sort of Angel which I sure as hell did not. I'm not perfect. Far from it actually but I always try to be generous and kind .
And I do not lie - well not anymore than you or the next person. But I never lie about the big important things or anything that matters to the people I love and to those that trust me. I just don't and sometimes that doesn't feel good for anyone involved but in every other relationship people have respected my truthfulness and it's led to a better relationship because we would talk it through.
Not so much in this relationship. It was easier sometimes for him to believe I was lying than to accept the hard truths I actually said. He'd rather forgive "my lies" than believe my words. Though to be fair he did rationalize it better than that.
He decided I wasn't really lying b/c I actually believed myself and thought whatever I was saying about I felt or percieved things was true although "in fact" my statements were untrue. Facts were determined by his completely unbiased observations and interpretations. Ironically his fanactical obbession with "the truth" ultimately destroyed us but that's an even longer story than this and thus best left for another post, probably in the Salty Sandbox blog.
Back to the song for a moment. I do actually like it a lot and you might as well. Right now you can download Snuff by Slipknot MP3 for Free courtesy of Roadrunner Records.
I'm not sure how long it'll be available so here's the link to Snuff at the Amazon.com MP3 store
where you can download it for 99 cents. There's no annoying DRM resrtictions it's playable on any MP3 player including the iPod and iTouch.
